The Veneracion

“It’s easier to forget about the person than proving him wrong.” I said this earlier in my facebook status. Actually, its easier said than done. Lately my posts are related to someone. This particular someone is a guy I never got a chance to call mine. (Fact; guys I almost had but didn’t stays longer in my heart) And because of that, I can’t settle a relationship with someone else. Everything I do now is somehow a way to prove him wrong about me. Is he an inspiration or am I trying to get him back? Both I guess but apparently getting him back would be a desperation. I know I’m now doing a break through in me and he will always be a factor. 

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I diagnosed myself as a shopaholic. Retail is my therapy and I go to many clinics called store. Seriously, shopping makes me happy. Who said money can’t buy you happiness? You can buy a new pair of shoes and will definitely make you happy. And I sometimes even make a reason out of nothing just to give justice to unnecessary spending. But I’m getting better now I suppose. I wait for days before I spend to get myself time to contemplate about shopping. I ask myself questions such as ”Where am I wearing this?” ”Will the colour or fit compliment me?” ”Is the quality or brand trusty? ”Is this within my means?”

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I was in the car with Gemma and I noticed how nice her eye glasses were. She’ll look like Tomb Raider if she braided her hair. I tried her purple tint eye glasses on and like any other eye wear, they were tilted on me. I asked Gemma to look at my face then she said “your nose is curved.” It was my intention for her to say it instead of it coming from me. Yes, my nose is curved thus eye glasses won’t sit nicely on my face. It’s irritating that I can’t wear eye glasses. And it’s even more irritating when I try to. My vision is getting worse. I’ve been thing of getting myself a pair of specs but if it won’t look nice or me not comfortable with it, i’d rather not. My vision will get worse if i choose contact lenses (unless it’s from wrlens.com lol) because I tried wearing cosmetic lenses before and there are few times i forget to remove them before sleeping. I’m thinking of having a nose surgery. Whoever will do it will probably need to break my nose bone. Hopefully there’s an alternative way.

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I’m having a lot of rants. I may not agree when people get the idea of me as a know it all acting someone better, well action speaks louder than words. I told Lycel one afternoon that I have a problem with how people perceive me. Lycel was kind enough to be straight forward and tell me that I am “cocky for my own good.”

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“Caught you in the arms of another. I’ve been dying everyday since then.” - urbandub in Evidence

Friendship is not what we have. It is me where in having a symptom which the tendency of most of us sees it as foolishness.I believe regret is what holding us together. Regret is my bigest challenge. It appeared to me before though I thought it was not important until I learned I’m ready to look for it. It is not you that I yearn but the feelings you were able to convey, which I’ve always prayed for whenever I lay on your sinking crib. I should have understood the personification of it, just like your bed, springless, once it sink, it’ll never come back to its form.

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